Jesus

We are one body

2009-08-18T22:17:00.000-07:00

I realised that making true friends in Melbourne is not easy. It is difficult to trust people here as well as to be myself. They are many discrimination here. People pretend to be cool, to attract the opposite gender. People make friends for the wrong reason like so that they could use you. People smile to you and behind your back backstab you. People act like someone else. It is difficult to trust. And i kind of know why it is like this and the solution which i think helps.

People need family but what is a family? It is called a family when there is love and when we are free to be ourselves. It is called family when our family really cherish us and know us. But what is true love? And how can it be in a family?

Many families love each other but there are still hurts in it. When there are hurt in it how can they love again? It is quite hurtful when someone you really love hurts you. Can they trust again? How does it work? And how can they go to a deeper trusting relationship? Is it worth when your family that hurts you one day pass away and you feel the grief? How does it work? And wouldn't most people feel vulnerable or have many defensive mechanism to stops them to be who they really are?

Do we need to be really afraid because it seems like we are doom.

In my opinion, i think the answer is God. God is the Way, Truth, and Life. He is the Light of the World of darkness, lies, falsehood and sin. And what destroy our lives is actually sin. Sin destroy relationships with each other as well as pull us further from the source of life which is God. The Word of God helps us to be free from sin so that we could be free! Lust is a lie. Anger cause destruction. Unforgiveness cause hatred. Do we need to be good to be accepted? What happens if one day we suck again? Doing something for people and tell them that they do it for them makes people feel worthless. There are many ways of destruction and one way of life. But how can we do it alone? And are we alone?

As catholic, the Eucharist, the body of Christ is very important to us. God give us His real body so that we could have eternal life. Actually it should be the basic of our identity, the foundation of who we are. If you spend time in the Blessed Sacrament, or attend daily mass, this bread of Life actually heals us, transforms us from sin and unite us Catholics together because the bible says we are one Body, one Body in Christ and we do not stand alone. And in an environment of falsehood, we are vulnerable. But in an environment of truth and love, we are free and our esteem soar like an eagle. And God do unite us when we stick to Him.

But in order for that to happen, we always need to carry our Faith with us. Only when we believe God can work in our lifes. When we connect with God it is even better. Many things which is impossible in my life went possible because God just snap His fingers and it happens. God will pull us out of sin. God will show us direction of anything of Him. Which is Life. Which is true possible unconditional love. But we need to trust, ask, and take action. Because of Him we have hope. Because of Him we have a family that accepts us! Because of Him we do not need to be afraid because we are one body of righteousness no matter where we are! We are never alone and vulnerable when we know who we are.

2009-03-09T01:04:00.000-07:00

2009-02-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

Hmm, i think it is dangerous when i found out that some people i know reading my blog. I think i need to becareful on what i have to write. Especially when i just went back to kl, my younger cousin sister opened my blog in front of me and read it in front of me. Yes, she made me speechless. Well, i must say that i really enjoyed my trip back in Penang. One of the reason was because i get to connect with people whom i know dearly. And it made me more humane and giving.

There is no doubt that i am a little nervous of going back to Melbourne even though i had already been there for a year for now. It would definately be a long ride. Hopefully i get the right taxi to the right destination. My stubborness always cause me to take the wrong transportation thus the wrong destination. Hopefully i am obedient to listen to the taxi driver this time. As well as beware of the con man who likes to talk nonsense and cheat my money. It is really a complicated world. And it could be another way round as well. If i just follow the taxi driver.

Don't worry. Seek God!

2009-02-03T18:12:00.001-08:00

Hi people. This is about don't worry about the things beyond our control that we could not understand. I understand that this bible passage is very long but if we are in situation like what i just mentioned, it helps if we read and understand the Word carefully and the video would help us to understand better. Do sing along with the video as a pray to God. He is Emmanuel. He is here and He is at where we are right now. Just acknowledge Him.

Luke 12:22-28
22 He said to [his] disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life and what you will eat, or about your body and what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food and he body more than clothing. 24 Notice the ravens: they do not sow or reap; they have neither storehouse nor barn, yet God feeds them. How much more important are you than birds! 25 Can any of you by worrying add a moment to your life-span? 26 If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest? 27 Notice how the flowers grow. They do not toil or spin. But I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of them. 28 If God so clothes the grass in the field that grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much provide for you, O you of little faith? 29 As for you, do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not worry anymore. 30 All the nations of the world seek for these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Instead, seek his his kingdom, and these other things will be given you besides. 32 Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your belongings and give alms. Provide money bags for yourselves that do not wear out, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven that no thief can reach nor moth destroy. 34 For where your treasure is, there also your heart be.

hold on

2009-01-29T17:20:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. yesterday was a rather depressing day for me. I was home by myself the whole day because the weather was 45 C. Being alone and hot in the room without fan or the air conditioner was not a good place to be. Going to the living room, where the air con is, wasn't pleasing either where a group of korean there spending a good time together while i'm being ignored. Common isn't it? but it's not pleasing. I wasn't in a position to make a move, that is what some of my friends would ask me to do. Being a human being sometimes i need to admit that i am weak. Or at least people should see that i think. And the only thing i could do is to go online, read, or watch the tv. No one i could talk to is online, i done reading, and nothing nice is on the tv. Just depressing.

I did clean my bathroom. Not done but most of it. I did wash, dry, and iron the clothing. But after doing all those, i was feeling, what now? I tried calling people for dinner. The good news is i got to call a friend! Nelson. A very short dinner because he has exam today. Even though it is a short time it satisfy my thirst of someone to be there. Nelson asked me, why do i look depressed. I thought i wasn't and i told him that i'm not. But now i could see why he asked me that. The reason i said i'm not was because in the midst of all depression, i was having faith in God. You may ask, having faith in God in what? Hmm.. i don't know.. just have faith because He knows better than me. So by waiting a little bit, here i am with my another good friend right now. Sitting in the library using the computer while the weather is 40 C plus outside. He willing to accompany me out in the hot weather to look for a new place to stay. And we would most probably have lunch and play indoor basketball afterwards. I might accompany him to cut his hair while might accompany him to look for a part time job for this semester holiday. Now, how pleasing is that?

Honestly, before writting this blog, i did not see all these things coming. But, now i could see that God work in wonders. Stick to God just a little bit more and he would provide. When you think you are being depress and no way out, by holding on to God, who knows, you are one having one more step to stepping out the shadows of darkness?

Battle and Grow

2009-01-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

Recently, i find trusting God was rather difficult. I can see the reason why though. The reason is, i was facing obstacles that i need to face. It is difficult to walk alone in this world. Sometimes i ask myself, how am i to learn something that i do not know, that i got dragged in a problem that i do not know and it is killing me. As if i could not get out of it. It sounds easy to say, go to God, look for help. But at a situation of being isolated with my mind being screw up, it is rather difficult. I must say, i was at a situation of being tested how strong my faith is. Because that is the only thing i could do with my mind being screwed up. And i am always being pulled away by the only thing that i could rely on, God. Satan, the media, and my weaknesses would always try to stop me from holding the grip.

So i'll share some of my top secret, my problems that i faced. (1) I like a girl recently that i am crazy over here that i felt for temptation. It is difficult when i need love and i head to her facebook just to see her. Funny(Most girls would be shock to hear me say this because i'm choosy) (2) My bed, my tv, my computer, my bathroom stops me from doing the things that i should and could do. (3) Assignments and exams kills my mood, tears me down, stick me to my bed and internet. (4) Trying to get hold of God in all these midst. (5) Trying to get people connected with the stubborness of people. Don't get me wrong, i don't force people. (6) Being rejected by old mates at uni. (7) Finally being lonely, go to play basketball with a group of people whom i do not know and competes.

Well, i must say this is not an excuse, and i know that it is not fair to let it out to the readers. But at times, i felt that i'm a failure. Many people in Melbourne lose the battle. Many cool, rich or popular ones won the battle. Not actually. Most of them lost. Think about it, who would let u rely in your most desperate need in a city like Melbourne. But i must say that i am quite blessed with a resting place at every friday's church meeting which gives me hope. As i was around St Francis church in Melbourne, i had seen people cry because of no way out. Well, i myself cried there once in church and i could not stay longer in church because the church in Melbourne closes early, that someone chases me out. Lol.

My conclusion. I am grateful of this experience. Even though sometimes it could be bad to a point of death, if i choose the wrong path. Or i fail my subjects and lost my chance of career. Most people lose the battle i must say. There is one guy i know would not trust anyone anymore. But i must say, i learn. Not to be perfect, but to who i could rely on. And i think this is the fundamental of life. Relying on God that all good things comes from Him and through Him. Hopefully i could discover more. Cheers.

Technology

2009-01-21T15:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, i began to understand why advance country does not live as happy as the developing or poorer countries. Technologies and the advancement of the countries has taken away many of the human needs. For an example, internet and computer games has stopped many people from connecting to one another. We could not see our friend's face, hear their voice or laugh at their funny behaviors. People are so isolated that when they meet somebody, they could not be themselves. Fast food and instant food has stopped us from making food for ourselves where when we forget how to serve ourselves, we would too forget how to serve or help other people. Many of the students download movies or shows in the internet at home that they forget how it is like to spend time with their friends in sports and cinemas. And with the ability to get all the best quality goods, it reach to a point where people treat a good quality goods as something normal. For a good quality fruit juice or soft drinks, we get to get what we want that those things became like our drinking waters. And as a result we couldn't experience many good things that is available. Food are extra large and better quality in Melbourne compared to Malaysia. Each time when we buy food outside, it is like drowning ourselves with so much food that it is hard for us to enjoy food anymore. As for the developing countries, i read an article about malaysia where someone described that malaysian hawker food is not a gourmet food. But it really satisfy them pretty much.

Advancement of technogy has empowered the life of a human being. We need to remember how it is like to live as a human being. The advancement of technology has given us too much that we choke all the materialistic things. Living a simple life would be a start for us to enjoy life as well as remember people are important in our lives.

God's presence

2009-01-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. last week, i was playing basketball at the basketball court in melbourne university. I was totally lost and being in the wilderness once again was quite interesting. Holding onto God was quite difficult and being alone for a long time was not a good place to be. I told myself, i need people and that was why i went to the basketball court to play. Because most people i tried to call were not available. Being in this situation was really tough, especially when i couldn't hold onto God anymore and needed to rely on people a little while. But the question is, who will let you rely on? Especially those people who plays basketball at Melbourne uni are very competitive, a way of showing that they are good in the game. And missing a girl was a killer either too at that time. The only way i could describe that situation is being lost in the wilderness.

So I was playing basketball with the guys. A custom of showing how great they are dominated the way how i used to see like how God sees (Love). I actually invited a catholic friend of mine for basketball, he normally doesn't play basketball played for a while and he opened my eyes because he wasn't good in it, but he was having fun. Hmm, there are some reasons that i couldn't get my christian friends out but i wouldn't mention it here. So, i manage to find out what i was lacking. Yes, i always hold on to God but i always at places and with people where there is darkness so it was kind of difficult for me. I find that it is important for me to be at where God's presence is and where God's people are. In Melbourne it's difficult to get God's people but at least there is a church where God's presence is and at least some people do come and pray sometimes. God's presence, that is where i want to be:)

Giant

2009-01-06T16:51:00.000-08:00

I really don't like when it comes to things that i don't like to do but i have to do it. I can't imagine how working life in some profession is like when it is impossible to accomplish the job but you MUST accomplish it. Or else

I am currently working on my first assignment of my semester as i have only two subjects. It is interesting how course work could dominate most students life. Personally, i don't do it because i love to do but i have to do. Sometimes it is like a burden clinging on to me and it will never let me go unless i beat and destroy it, my giant of course work. If i have time and space like this semester to take my time to do my assignment, i would love myself by doing the best how i want it to be. But at the same time when burden is too big, i need to beat it not by myself. But with the people at the same boat and with God as my strength. Woohoo!!!

Relationship patterns

2009-01-05T04:20:00.000-08:00

If a girl in love with a guy. Should the girl listen to the guy because she is 100% in love with him? Even when she knows the guy is using her? It is interesting how girls would give themselves to a guy that they love so much, even to a point of knowing that they will be used by them. While guys would demand unexpected things, just because they are the stronger one of the gender, just because they are the leader, the one who has the full trust of the girl. And it is interesting how love works in most couples, where guys demands, and girls be obedient to follow. This might not apply to everyone and this might also be the other way round. So when being lead by emotions in a relationship, it is good to have a space for rational thinking, and a space for choices to be made. A relationship shouldn't be a chain that you are imprison, but a freedom of love that both has for one another, a pattern of giving ways and understanding=)

Faith

2009-01-03T20:13:00.000-08:00

Hi people, today i would like to express my thought about faith in God. Through my experience in Melbourne, i am amazed by what faith in God could do. Through being in this journey and finally realised that my journey is to God, i find that things around me constantly change except God. It is quite tough to have faith isn't it especially when it is about holding on and trusting something that we could not see and when our mind is totally screwed. Sometimes we have faith in the wrong things especially when we think it is true because we believe in it. And totally relying on something and trust would determine our security or unsecurity. Sometimes it is about having faith in people whom we trust but i am not going to go into this. What i am trying to say is, we need to know what or who we are having faith in. Because there is something out there that could take care of us. I gave up being god of myself and some people being my god and i found that i am God's son, fully taken care of. I found my faith. What about you? I am still in a search:)

Love your neighbours

2009-01-03T01:42:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was tested by people. I just came back from a tour from Great Ocean Road and i must say it is a tough experience. Great Ocean Road was personally good for me but I was tested by the people because i went with a group of friends who is the same race, close to one another, and the speak their language and have fun the whole way through. It is all positive except me being neglected during the whole trip being the only chinese. And it was a really long trip. About 600km by car. And it was very discouraging when my friends whom i know neglects me. Imagine i have nothing to do in the car because they have fun by themselves with their language. One of them is a religious person as well. Really discouraging and i have no way to join in. Immediately after the trip, i decide to meet a good friend of mine and he is a really good listener. Thank God that i had him to listen. We had lunch and played a few games in the arcade together, and i bumped to my old friends whom i used to couldn't accept.

I would go back to the discouraging part. I say it is discouraging because I like making friends but after the trip, because everyone around me have a good time by themselves and neglected me, i had a bad impression of people around me after that. So i notice that my good listener friend is not a christian after all but i shared what i feel and the truth i believe in which applies to reality and he could understand. I did not tell him it's from God though. And for the friend whom i used to could not accept because of some small disagreement between ourselves, i find that he is a good friend after all is just that everyone has weaknesses.

I enjoyed spending time with the friend whom i used to couldn't accept and his friends, my good listener friend, and i find that even though they are not christian, they do have the love that God has for us. I think basically because they too have the image of God. And they do.

So what i am trying to say is.. people is really important in our lifes. We do need people to love and to be loved. Cheers.. for the group.. i'll see what God would prepare me to do and work things out. But at the mean while, i am in the process of forgiving for the 34 hours i had with them. It is not easy but it is a right decision to make. Who knows, they could be my very good friends in the future.:)

Where is the love?

2008-12-29T19:29:00.000-08:00

I am now actually thinking of something. As i think, i'll write it out. I am actually feeling something is missing. I used up my day everyday but ended up with a day with no satisfaction or i can express it as a frustuation. I know what is missing, which is i am lacking of people in my life. A perfect satisfaction that could come about is love, a perfect charity in other words. I stay at home everyday loving myself, do pray, and i think the thing that i am lacking is people. Where is the love?

2008-12-11T20:59:00.000-08:00

I am actually quite bored right now. I have too much time. The weather is quite gloomy and i hardly have friends to hang out with, it is rather depressing. My good friends here went back to asia and they are having fun now. Even many friends whom i just know, they all went back. Talk about church, I just go to church occasionally. Like two pray meetings and a mass every week. One of the meeting i don't know anyone there because it is an adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and everyone goes home after the meeting. It is slightly more than adoration though. There are singing and surmon from the priest. For another meeting, a charasmatic meeting. We meet in the meeting and accasionally have dinner after meeting because it is rather pricely. Most of the people don't go out because there are hardly things to do in Melbourne. Even there is, it is costly. It takes a lot of afford and guts to search for things to plan things and call people out though. This is something i need to consider. And it's hard to call people out as well because everyone stay far apart from each other. As i say, it takes a lot of guts and faith need to be strong. Recently, i am controlled by my flesh as well. I over sleep often. Often 10 hours a day. Computers, tv, and food sometimes dominate me. Travelling distance and time often make me procrastinate. I need to do all things through God again. Because all good things comes from Him. And enjoy all the things He give. Especially Love.

Accepted

2008-12-09T16:55:00.000-08:00

I just watched a movie called "How to look good naked". It is not pornography but a show of woman who get depressed from getting overweight; a fairy stylist would bump into her life and make her look good again.

What the Fairy Stylist did was he did not make any physical changes to that woman but to show that woman how beautiful she the way she is. By turning negative thoughts of herself into positive ones. In the beginning, the lady was depressed because she wanted to be sexy, beautiful, look good but the stylist showed her that she has already has all those. And that is the world way of working things out, by turning negative thoughts of yourself into positive thoughts.

What i find is no matter what physical attributes you have or what you possessed, it does not make you who you are. If you depend on your looks, it would not last long. And this included the other attribute of yourself; like being rich, smart, good looking, athlete and etc. Because the truth is, most of this would not last. And even if it does, it would not bring true happiness and i would provide an example which reflects the life of my family.

My dad's family was once very poor. My dad's father, the head of the family always beat their children to force them to study hard, because he wants them to be rich one day. During that time, most of them were so poor that they were struggling for food and today, they became rich. I must say that their possession is similar to what a celebrity has. And basically, they could get anything they like. But, even that is so, most of the people in my dad's family are rather fierce. They always argue and they don't mind shouting all the time. Behind the scene there is many things going on. Many gossips of each other behind the family's back but now it is getting better but it is still there. So, their children which is my generation suffers. Most of the time we were compared to our cousins. We are forced to be successful in life but is that all what life is? If you ask who me and cousins are, we are basically "successful". The useless would be unknown while the successful one would be known as the successful one. There is a bad affect to this though. To the successful ones, once they are not successful anymore, would they be made known?

We are God's child no matter who we are. We are loved and we know it is true because Jesus died on the cross for everyone of us no matter who we are. A beggar? a prostitude? a robber? a rapist? He died for all of us and because of His death, we who sinned so badly could go to heaven. Our image is basically God's image and we God's loved child. And guess what? no matter what we do, we are good people who sinned, not sinners who try to be good.

Who are you?

2008-12-06T04:22:00.000-08:00

Who are you?

Are you Pretty?

Are you Cool?

Are you Perfect?

Are you My Buddy?

Are you Smart?

Are you Genius?

Are you Rich?

Are you the latest Technology?

Are you a Drummer?

Are you a Leader?

Are you a Teacher?

When you are not one of those anymore would you still be you? If you are not good anymore would you be accepted? If you are not young anymore would you energetic? Would you be the same person? Yes you would. You are Unique for who you are. That's why Christ died on the cross JUST FOR U.

Faith

2008-11-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

Hello viewers. I know I haven't been updating my blog for quite a while. So here goes once again.

After 10 months journeying in Melbourne, I must admit that i had grown maturity and spiritually. From being totally isolated and not seeing human beings in my first semester, from mixing a group of rich and materialistic friends that i wandered with, and finally, here I am being in Jesus Youth, being with a community of God sitting on the same boat sailing to God.

I must admit that it wasn't an easy journey. I fell time after time and my mind went insane as if i was drugged. And the worst part was, i was alone, my friends that i used to hang out with did not understand what was going wrong with me. All they could say was i was too serious, i was thinking too much, i need to be positive and etc (They had good intentions). And basically, there was no meaning in life and i was too deceived by the world until i could not get up, being a slave in this perfectionist materialistic world.

How i overcame it was holding on to God no matter what happens. Even if i can't see, even if i can't feel, i would try my best to trust in God and hold onto Him. Even if i am deceive and confused i would hold on to Him. Even i felt lonely and don't know who I am and why I am here I would hold on to Him. And by holding on to Him, it made me want to stay closer to Him. I stopped mixing with my materialistic friends as much as last time because i felt it would pull me from God. And God listened to my every single pray that i asked for. He answered my pray of a same faith community. He answered my pray of a place of belonging. He answered my pray of having poor friends. And last week we played volleyball by the beach, it was fun. They were having a monthly gathering dance and a surprise indian dance for their friends and i was part of the indian dance. It was great spending time with them during the practise and had a few great fellowship with them. The group was totally different than the other groups i went in the past and the amazing thing was, it was very similar to the group back in Penang because of God's presense. And all this came just by faith by holding onto God. Praise God.

God works in the blind

2008-09-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. basically right now, I am lost. When I am in a group that is very confussing and agaisnt my value, I would be lost. Anyway, friday evening, when I was walking to Cosdu (Melbourne Uni young adult group), I told God that I am deaf, I could not hear but if he wants me to go to my previous group, Jesus Youth, convince my heart and bring me there. So as I was walking, suddenly my whole body just walk around and walk to St Francis church where Jesus Youth is. The door was locked and the priest was about to go in to where he stays. And I manage to say excuse me in time. And asked whether is there a group meeting tonight. He said yes and he opened the door to let me in. Actually I lost God totally. As I said in the earlier blog, I had been in this world for quite a while. With pleasures of the world, with the culture of the world, and with the people as well. I see nothing in God except my bible every morning, and sometimes I feel that those are just words, and I must admit that I even forgot about God. So I was searching for God and because I know I can find God's presense in Jesus Youth, so I asked God if He wants me there.

I went into Jesus Youth, I was privilege to get to witness two great testimonies of God. One of them, a sister. I would not name her here. She gave a great testimony where she gave up her job in the corporate world that she ever dream of, she gave up the guy that she ever wanted. Because God showed her that He could give her beyond what she has. And she said God even gave her love that beyond what she would dream a guy would give her. God gave her the love and romance she ever needed, and it was a wow to me because I haven't see this for a very long time. And she said she got this when the time she got everything that she ever dream of, she felt something was missing in her and God brought her to Him and show her that He could feel her beyond what she ever wanted in life.

Another one strucked me as much as the last one. This girl was trying to get away from the catholic church. Her parents are very faithful and spiritual to God. Her entire life she was trying to get away from church but because of her parents, she was forced to stay. The amazing part was, God never let her go even though she tried her best to get away from Him. God showed her that even she was getting away from God, God let her experience His presense, His grace.

And finally, I got to know a great guy. As we talk, immediately we clicked. He understands when I told him my experience when I just came to Melbourne, where I couldn't stand what people do in the presense of God. He laughed together and God really showed me that He wants me to be in Jesus Youth tonight. To witness two great testimonies and to see what I haven't see for a very long time. This guy was a visitor to melbourne and if i did not come for Jesus Youth, I was missed him because he would go back to camberra on tuesday. God really sent this guy who really understands me and my spiritual life and he gave me advise to dicern what God wants of me and to be at a place where people who has the same faith as me. It really apply to me and yeah, this group is very different than any other group that i mix with in melbourne. It gives me a feel that I have back home in church. God's community and it's great to get to be myself. Thank You Lord.

Journey

2008-09-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hello people. I haven't been writting my journal for quite a while. I am very stressed and very distracted by many things so just drop by to express myself a little bit.

Well, it is very challenging for me right now and sometimes I wonder, whether I could still go on. For an example, I had been out of God's environment for quite a while, I met all kinds of people. Sometimes I even forget who I was, or who am I. Well, it is difficult for me to be myself in this society for some reasons. People does not treat you as how God's people would treat you. It is like being like Jesus self giving all the time, and sometimes it is beyond my limit. The people are too many and they have one whole huge culture which agaisnt my value. I need to be like a solid rock to meet with all kinds of people. Yeah, you really need the Word and God in that. Or else, the way of the world will make you feel drunk.

When I just came here, I was rather stupid. I wanted to depend on myself than asking for help from my friends back home. Well, I don't exactly think it is stupid because I wanted to see how is it like travelling on this journey by myself. I wanted to be convinced that I can't go through this journey by my own. Well, it was real tough. I remember there was once where I just wanted to be alone, because I just did not want to have any contact with my friends. As a result, I was really lonely and got isolated. But I still did not want to meet them because they could not provide me the love and care that God gives, the love and care that I need. But soon I realized that I needed them afterall. Gee.. Interesting eh.. confussing journey.

Through this journey, it was a constant discovery of myself. It is amazing some of our weaknesses can torture us for quite a long time. For example, some of my friends know me for my blurness. Well, walking here alone, blurness does not work. And I learned many things of myself as well. Hopefully I don't stop learning. I'm just afraid when I go home, because it is too comfortable I would just let go of myself and be blur again. Hopefully I would remember to avoid that from happening.

The only thing that i realized that it doesn't change where everything changes through time is God. God shows me that he never change. When I was lost and did not know what is happening around, He was there for me to hold Him. When I meet people that I couldn't stand, He reminded me His Ways. There is no doubt that He is the Way, Truth, and Life. Sometimes we just need to print that Word is our mind, make that Word our life.

Hopefully to be continued..:D

2008-07-15T03:40:00.000-07:00

Recently, i had been in a roller coaster journey. When you stirred your milo, I was in the cup. Just kidding. Well, I had been stirred in my environment recently. I lost an identity of who I am. I totally lose God. Erm, it is interesting where I lose an identity of who I am, which caused me to be stirred by my environment, and as a result, it made me take everything forgranted including God. I realised when I lost my identity when I talked with two strangers at a bus stop the other day. Both of them were from singapore and they just arrived in melbourne so they were so different than the people here. They were totally themselves.. I did not talk to people for quite a while so I could hardly speak to them, and I realised that I could not be who I used to be, to talk like how I used to talk. And to see them as a person as how God sees them. When I am lost, I tend to look for a place to be belonged to. In this society especially near Melboure City, it is barely possible. Especially people do not really know you and they would most probably feel weird if they see that you need them. Being stirred was very bad and losing an identity is very bad. I found myself in a city don't know where to go. Well, one thing that caught my attention about God is when I read the scripture where it said, real treassure is from heaven, not from earth. It reminded me that it is true. Anyway, would just like to say that God is the answer of everything and would provide anything you need. Search for something? Try the church. Try his people. Being in Australia is not easy. Because it has a strong culture in itself. Know yourself. Know God. And it would be alright.

God provides Truth, God provides Love, God is Good, All the Time

2008-07-02T15:32:00.000-07:00

Do you know that many people could obtain power in this world which makes them feel powerful? Do you know some people said all the best things happened around is man made? That man could make things happen, make the best things to happen and become all powerful and wise? A man could get the best girl he wants, get the wealth he wants, get all the wisdom he wants and it make man feel all powerful? Sometimes, it could also make them to be control in everything they do. But do you know that God provides the supernatural?

It is not wrong to obtain all these things when you know the reason that you obtain all these things. For me, it is not wrong to obtain all these things when I see myself as worthy and would like to make myself to be complete. But even though you may get all the "truth" from knowledge and be control of everything, my question is, could you be poor, having nothing, yet feel complete? Without the material things in this world to complete you. Could you feel complete? Whether you believe this or not, you could be complete in God even though you have nothing in this world. And that is supernatural.

One thing that i found in this world is even though things could satisfy your wants, that things could satisfy your beliefs and thoughts. There are many illusions. Believe or not, most of the people in this world in all kinds of community think that they are right. Some people think sex is okay because they need it. They think it's all right to built a casino because it would increase the economy of the country. Some people think abortion is all right because they deserve the right whether to have babies. They are just many illusions. Even many people are looking for true love, but they ended up getting lust and thinks that it is real love. Some even comitted suicide out of it. Some people think getting good grades is their life. What is real?

Through my experience. God provides the real things. He reveals truth. He give real love, unconditional love. And He is there for you. God even provided us a special gift, the Holy Spirit. He provides the Truth. Do you know that? A few days ago I was looking for a catholic fellowship group. In Australia, it is difficult to find a youth group. I wanted to charasmatic group because I came from a charasmatic background back home and I wanted a place to be belonged as well, to mix with my own peers. Because I was all alone here and felt very lonely. I was longing for a place like what I had just mentioned. I tried really hard to find a place in the internet. There were a whole list of it but because I was so lost and screw up, and because I was so discourage that I couldn't find a right place the last time I came down to Melbourne, I gave up. I was alone in the room, in a dark room felt lost. Do you know the feeling of "Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I?" That's the feeling I had. But after I was very depressed and I told God that I had tried so hard to look for a right place, but I couldn't find one. I told Him I want to find a place where I could mix with my peers, as well as God focus. And suddenly, he revealed to me by me remembered that there is a group called Jesus Youth in the internet and it is charasmatic. I was so happy and I went there the next day. And it felt like back home. God proved to me that He knows better than I, that he is smarter than I. For me, there is one way of describing this. We always work to get a fake "one million dollar". And God provides the real one. Which one do you prefer? A real one million dollar or a fake one? I'm sure you prefer a real one. A one where you could have real Love, real Joy, real Peace, real Friendship, real Everything, real Family, real Happiness, real Touch, Be noticed. Well, the bible shows all kinds of situations that reveals Truth. Check it out.

So finally, I would just say, God provides Truth, God provides Love, God is Good, All the Time.

Discovery

2008-06-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

Last week I came back from Penang. God heard my pray where He guided me to pass all my subjects in my exams. So, when I came back, I wanted to take this opportunity to seek God, to ask Him to teach me about Him and to give me a basic idea of Him before I get back to Melbourne. I also asked God to reveal me about Him. I said it is an opportunity because i got my Faith from Penang, from the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit, from Shalom Working Youth Fellowship( a Charasmatic group), and I growed in faith with the people there. So basically, it is an environment where people has the same goal as me towards God, a place where God reveals His works and Himself, a place where God reveals to me that He is real, I had many workshop of Him in that church. And that's the place where I got my answers.

When I came back, I started to think that I was in control in everything. My house was bigger than the room I stayed in Melbourne, I get to drive a nice car, I got to eat good food, I got all my greatest friends with me, everything was cheap, it was really a paradise for me. I started to think that I was in control in everything through the skills and knowledge I had. Everything I want, I could make it happen. Everything I want, I could get them all. I could maximise and fully satisfy myself and the people around me. I get to make the best out of everything. I was in control and I know how to get whatever I want, I know how to get the answers I need, Because I think I got control in everything, that's when I ask God to reveal me about Him, to review to me what I have not seen which comes from Him, because I know that is not how things works and there is more.

God started to reveal to me His presense during my second time in the blessed sacrament. During the first time i felt nothing was happening because it had been a while since I was devoted to Him. During the second time, I get to be in His presense with Him. There was so much grace and it was beautiful to be with Him. It was a perfect moment with God. Then during the creativity camp. There were so many weaknesses among the people but there was God's love among them. During the first day a lot of them were naughty but they were changed with love. I don't think i would see that in the streets of Melbourne, in my university. It would be impossible that would happen without God because these miracles would not happen without Him. There was image and love of God among the youths. Imagine that, the youths.

Secondly, it was SWYF praise and worship. I was fully participating but there was nothing that caught my attention towards God during the praise and worship. I felt guity when I was praising God as i was singing because I did not do as what the song said. After the session, God showed me His work when the Leaders was praying over a family. God worked with the wife of the husband that she cried. It seems that God got the roots of her problems. God provided love to the Husband as well, and He also provided the love that they could share with 3 of their childrens. It was a great moment where the family was united. I think one problem of myself is that I had been managing things of myself without asking God's help. I did not pray and I need to pray.

So God revealed Himself to me through Andre when we were in Singapore. I lost my house key where I put myself and my friends in tension. It was in the bus station where we were about to go back to Penang. Andre helped me to search for my house key and he manage to find it. He laughed and ask me whether i'm alright. He's normally fierce. Throughout this journey I was really blur and he had so much patient with me, and provided me a shelter that I did not have to worry if i make the wrong decisions, because he made all the decisions during this trip. I felt no worries and free responsibilities because of him. And there's no doubt that it's because of God's work in him. That he had so much patient, love, and care. And last of all, it's Andre's mum. I can't explain how but I saw God in Aunty Jane. God's character. I can recognise it because in Melbourne, i saw no one like Aunty Jane. Thank you God. I would do something to get to you. Let me search you and listen what you want of me.

-ABORTION!-

2008-05-29T02:36:00.000-07:00

I just watch the news on tv. And there is a dilemma on whether abortion should be legalised in Australia right now. Abortion is killing of babies before they have a chance to live, before they have the chance to make decisions in their lifes. It is the same as murdering a person. Imagine that you suppose to have an elderly or younger sibling but they were murdered from an abortion when they were babies. Imagine if you were murdered in an abortion and you would most probably would not be here today. Imagine there is an abortion over your love ones and if that happens, they wouldn't be here today either. The government is thinking to legalise abortion because women want rights over their bodies to not produce babies. To them, babies are just "babies", an objects, and because of their self centredness, there is a dilemma right now in the court whether they should legalise abortion. Please pray that abortion would not be legalised.

Please open your eyes to look at the picture above. Please open your eyes to see the Truth. They look horrible? They are done by selfish people. The " All about me" people.

Holy Spirit

2008-05-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

I met Gino online yesterday. And he was introducing me to the Holy Spirit. In the beginning, something was wrong with me because i felt what he said was funny. Sorry Gino. But I remembered that I had experience the Holy Spirit before, so I took control of myself listening to Gino immediately as he explained about the Holy Spirit.

He told me the Holy Spirit is his sayang. I was confussed about how a God consist of 3 different person. Every time i prayed, i did not know which God to go to. I know this 3 person is a God but I did not know how it works. So Gino explained that the Holy Spirit, Jesus, and the Father are one. That they are interelated as they are part of God and each of them are fully God. He said when I talk to the Holy Spirit, I would also be talking to Jesus and the Father at the same time. He told me a Holy spirit is like a person. If I ignore Him, he would feel sad. And He is always there waiting for me to acknowledge and to know Him.

The next morning, it was 6 am here and I met Gino online. He said he could not sleep. I turned on ewtn and it was showing about the Holy Spirit! God was really doing this in front of my eyes and I told Gino about it and he said yes He is. Anyway, this time I talk to the Holy Spirit than to pray. Talk to the Holy Spirit than asking for things. Treat Him as a friend and get to know Him. And my day was really good.

I began by leaving the house to college. It was so cool and the surrounding was blurred by the mist. I can't explain to you how great my morning was. I just felt so good walking out the door, and waiting for the tram. There was a chinese girl waiting at the tram too. She was wearing skirt. So normally I would look away or feel a little disgust but this time, I could look at her as a person. In the tram, normally I would judge and get affected. But this time I felt great and I could actually stand back to see the good things and the bad things happening around. Goodness that comes from God and the evil that is affecting people without me being affected. Just being a spectator. After that, I went to wait at the bus stop. Was reading Facing your giant in the bus and I was feeling really great. I attended Business law class and checked my student health cover(was great with the lady and the lady was great too). I printed my notes in the computer lab and took a chance to talk to a stranger. It was the last class of marketing and i thought why get affected my the marketing teacher who likes to mock students so during the break, i just left the class, bought my dinner and I was feeling great wherever I was on the way back home. I get to buy what I was craving for, Roast Pork Rice(Oh yeah, it's chinese). Was feeling great in the bus. And most of the time I was talking to the Holy Spirit silently.

Well, there are more things for me to know about Him and more about God and His Church. And I need to find out myself about what I want than staying and Do Nothing. Doing nothing is bad especially when you are not sure what is happening around, you would judge and condemn, being at a stage of confusion of not knowing what is affecting you. Erm, being stagnate(Do nothing) is also not good because you can't run away from the fact that you have a life and you are not dead. Being stagnate for too long can create some kind of mental illness.:D

Giant

2008-05-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

Hello, I haven't been writting my blog. If you did not read my other blog, I am having a war with my exam right now. I am doing 3 difficult subjects and I shouldn't be doing any of those 3 subjects because this is my first semester. People did told me but it wasn't clear, so I took 3 tough subjects, not one. And I am fighting for a pass. And it makes my most favorite song "God will make A Way" by Don Moen.

Indeed God is making a way, he made a loophole for me to escape and Hopefully I could beat this Giant. I do have stress, a whole load of stress when I do my studies but by knowing that God is doing with me, those stress became courage. God sent me my most favorite lecturer that I ever had, Terry. She is a gift because she does her very best for her students. Her best means she will do every way to help the students. Yesterday was her last day of teaching and it was very touching especially when she wished us to do out best, and she said what more could we be asked for. Even when she advised us by saying don't cheat, that she understands we are in a lot of stress but don't cheat because we will definately be caught if we cheat, where the examiners are professionals. That was very touching too. She taught us how to study which is very effective. She answer every questions that the students asked. She provided the focus of studies for the exam and in fact she provided everything for the students. She provided her best. And students always come to her for help, help, and help.

It was very sad when we all left. All students left accept me. I asked her can i take a picture with her and she said not a problem. And it was very sad where it was like an atmosphere that people could cry, a farewell. And she told me not to let her down. And that makes it more impactful.

So, this the picture above is the picture of me and my most favorite lecturer Terry. I would miss her.

I learned something yesterday.

2008-05-09T16:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was rather a bad day for me. It was tiring and slidely frustuating. God's presence seems to be not there. But after writting my journal, I could see that God was working on my day. I read facing your giant. It was chapter 14 and the title was Tough Promises. There was a part which caught my attention where it is about loving people. Even though they condemn you after you accept them. Even though they reject you after you help them. It is tough but it could be a reminder of how Jesus is to us. How Jesus loves us that he died on the cross for us to set us free from sin, even though we condemn Jesus and crucified Him.

I said God works in my life yesterday because yesterday was slidely unusual than the other days. At my normal day, i usually would just go to class, attend class, and go home. And I usually do not have the chance to talk to anyone. Either because I was feeling neglated by the society where I do not have courage, or I just hardly have the chance because class was long and tiring.

Yesterday, at business law class, I started to talk to this guy and his name is Franky. He is from Hong Kong and he is nice to talk to. Monish who sat beside me loves attention. He draw face of the lecturer and ask me to see it, and to do stuff to impress me. And He is from india. In class like business law or some other classes. Normally students are like aliens to one another. And yesterday I got to introduce frank to monish, and also a girl name clara who is my neighbour from Hong Kong. And amazingly after introducing them to one another, they talk. Because normally after I introduce someone to another person, they would not really talk.

Then it was marketing class. Normally, in marketing class I would just listen in class either. And would hardly speak to anyone. Because the lecturer likes to use his authority to do all kinds of things. Like asking someone to leave immediately when the person is talking. Asking a student to come in front to sit without any reason, the student ask why, the lecturer said he wants to look at the students ugly face. He was really mocking the students again. And if God allows me, I would do something towards the lecturer. It's just that i'm busy with my studies and final exam is coming and my result is in his hand. Anyway, he asked those who did not do his homework get out of his class for 15 minutes. I think he knows he did too much to the class and he put it in a way of saying go out and have 15 minutes of break. Unfortunately I was one of them. But the good news is, i get to talk to a few guys.

There was a complaint from one of the guys. He told the lecturer he can't do the homework because he got medication check up and did not have time at all to do his homework. He has a solid reason but the lecturer also asked him to get out. Anyway, it was a blessing where I got to speak to people whom I ignore them because i wasn't comfortable with their culture of vulgars words, swearing, smoking. But after reading facing your giant, I could see that they are human after all. Through my journey in Australia, I saw the worst of myself and it is normal for people to be in different situations. And they were a great accompanyment. And there was this friend who i was angry with for quite a long time. And I got to talk to her and be normal with her once again in a group discussion. And everything went great.

In the evening, I had a bible study. And I was so tired, couldn't think and frustuated. I was rebellious a little. And God did something where Martin asked me whether am I interested to go for a pray group when I come back from Malaysia. And Dominic said maybe he would check out a soccer team for me. It was really great. Anyway, the problem was dragging me is my exam and also the marketing lecturer. I'm afraid that I wouldn't do well. I need to get my mind right and manage it with God with me. If you can, please pray for me. My exam would be 28th, 29th, and 30th of May 2008. I need a good memory because it's essay!!! Cheers!

Ian

Tough but Right

2008-05-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

It is not easy to follow Jesus. This journey has been like a roller coaster to me...

I struggled a lot. I lost Jesus, and I got Him again. And I lost Him, and I got Him again... He never give up on me...

It is an interesting journey for me. I do not have a support group here. Only once a week with a bible study group, and one Sunday's mass...

It is not easy for me... because the devil constantly attack me.. no matter where I go, there is temptation... no matter where I go, there is judgement... through the media, through everywhere I walk... in the public transportation full of grumpy people... on the streets everywhere I walk, people are ignorance... everywhere I am... even though it's a cold whether... ladies would wear little cloth on them... everywhere I am, there is vulgar words and swearing... everytime i'm at home, busy from work, i would be tired, lazy and wouldn't want to get up... I hardly have friends, always alone... the devil is constantly attacking me through everything... and every single second...

It's not easy to be constant with God... but I have to... because the devil is constant... that's how saints always does things isn't it? Go 100% agaisnt the world flows constantly... going through the tougher road than the free easy road...

Yes, it wasn't easy... i realised i started swearing, started saying vulgar words... judging thinking that they are useless and so on...

That's definately not what I want to be... I want to be more like Jesus... with full of love, with full of grace...

I nearly lost Him until I couldn't touch Him at all... nearly couldn't reach Him at all... where I need to find a hole out of my situation... after reading the bible as I struggle, I leave the bible with highlights on it, and left the bible open on the table...

I need to be constant... never stop.

Listened Pray

2008-04-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

I started to dicipline myself to have a pray time. It is a decision and it's also a way to be obedient to follow God. So this morning, I started my pray by closing my eyes and concentrating at God. From my previous testimony that i wrote in my previous blog, which is the title ' A God and A King' . If I am not wrong, that is the exact title of the blog and it was about God is near. That He is at where we are right now. I was aware of that and I talked to Him directly. I prayed to Him. And suddenly, I remembered I haven't been living in His ways, to follow His words, and I realised that I need to dicipline myself to be obedient to follow His Words. So I opened the bible, and I started reading it. It was early in the morning about 5 am and I was so lazy and I couldn't really read it. But I was aware that He is here with me so I asked Him to lead me as I read, to reveal what He is trying to tell me. And after for so long not communicating with Holy Spirit, I also asked His help in Jesus name.

So, I read it again. And this time, the Word started to reveal about myself at the second i read it, things which was about me. It was Matthew chapter 3. Verse 2, 'Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand' said by John the Baptist. It actually reflected that I was crying out to call myself to follow Gods' ways than to follow the worlds standard when I was fully drifted by the world standard a while ago. At verse 8, it said 'Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentance'. It is exactly the first blog that i wrote which said that confession is not enough. Our spirit is renew but we still have our old mind and body which we need to train ourselves to be align with God's way. Verse 9, 'And do not presume to say to yourselves, We have Abraham as our father.' It revealed that I always ask God for help but I wasn't doing anything. Verse 10 'The ax lies at the root of the trees. Therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.' This verse is connected to verse 11. ' He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. And verse 12, ' His winnowing fan is in his hand. He will clear his treshing floor and gather his wheat into his barn, but the chaff he will burn with unquencable fire.' And guess what happens? I close my eyes and asked Jesus to give me the unquencable fire. And I notice many thoughts just pops up from my head and every single thoughts that pops up I surrendered to Him immediately. And it was so bright. And the great part was, when I asked Jesus to gave me the fire, I wasn't aware of Verse 10, which said 'The ax lies at the root of the trees. Therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.'

It is not easy to follow God. But once you know Him that He is present, and be honest with Him, He would listen to your pray.

Thank you Jesus

Love

2008-04-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, Friday, it was a holiday for me. I was finally free from assignments and test temporary. So I woke up in the morning and I was slightly confuse of how I want to use my day. I was slightly confuse of who am I and what I am doing here. But in my mind, I know that I am worthy to God and precious to Him. So I started to see myself as how Jesus sees me, as a worthy person. I pictured myself as another person, and I started to think of things to improve myself as well as to do things for myself, like cleaning the room. In other words, to love myself as how God loves me, just like to cloth myself when I am naked. But, i was feeling a need of something, something was missing. Maybe a need of a friend. But I read a book where that need is not nessasary. I do not need a friend to make me feel whole. I just need myself and God and I realised in order to love someone, I would need to be able to love myself. In order to fullfill things in someone else, I need to be able to fullfill everything in myself and I knew God was all I needed when I am at the depths of this earth. So I was at home on Friday the whole day.

The next day, I went to the city by myself. I could call a friend to hang out which would make me feel better. But I realised that I need a time for myself, to be able to have my own thoughts and to do what I want to do. I wanted to learn how to love myself, to go through and to explore the city by my own. And in fact, it was a great experience. I did went to the city, visited places. I've found out that I am rather rebellious towards myself. For an example, when I want to go in the shop to have a look, I went into the shop and wasn't really looking. So, i've learned that I need to work on loving myself, to do what I want to do. It was a big step to make, because when i decided to go to the city by myself, I felt that I had nothing. And either than choosing something that would make me feel good, to look for a friend which is not a close friend, I chose to do something good for myself. I felt empty, I had nothing, I had no meaning in life but I know I was worthy because of Jesus. That is what made me to be able to do these things because i saw myself as worthy. So it was like bringing myself out to the city.

And guess what? The next day Sunday, I went for mass and the mass was about what I went through for these past two days. I will type the newsletter about the mass written by Father Anthoni from St Francis Xavier:

LOVE AND LAW

Love in the scriptures is not just about how we feel or what we say, it is also to do with our actions. Today's gospel passage clearly tells us that to love Jesus is to keep his commandments.

To love God and to love our neighbours as ourselves, are the two commandments that Jesus left us. They are a summary of the Ten Commandments. Our love of God is reflected in the way we live our lives and in the way we relate with others. It is not easy to do the right thing all the time. St Peter in today's second reading says, "it is better to suffer for doing right than for doing wrong". We are reminded that we have been given the Spirit of truth, another Advocate to be with us forever. We are not alone and we have the Spirit to help us live the life of diciples. Reflect on life and see how love guides and motivates us in all that we do. In marriage two people come together because of the love they have for each other, it would not work out without commitment. But for any relationship to endure we have to work at it, from forgiveness to sacrifise, to respect and to listen to each other and to be faithful in all circumstances is important. Above all they have to go beyond their own needs to think about the other person's good and well being. We know how family impacts on our lives. Love that goes wrong can have disastrous effects on those who are involved!

Family is good, but if charity does not extend beyond our family and friends it becomes a bit sterile for Christian living. The story of the Good Samaritan challenges us to push the boundaries. Even a life of service requires self dicipline and rule to govern, so justice will prevail, and to avoid scandal or abuse, corruption and favouritism. We become disillusioned at times when we hear or see those who are meant to help and protect us abuse the system for their own personal gain. It happens in the political world, but also in the religious world. How much of the gospel do you live? Do you believe the gospel truth will bring you freedom?

Fr Anthoni ofm

Hope it meant something for you:)

Station Of The Cross.

2008-04-22T13:46:00.000-07:00

This is a pray of the Station Of The Cross with the reflection written by Mother M Angelica. It is quite good and it's very helpful for the faith. Check it out if you have the time:)

http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/Stations/face.htm

A King and God

2008-04-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

A King has an authority where many citizen could not communicate with him. But could be faithful to the King, to serve the King faithfully behind the King's back.

I was like a citizen, doing the same thing to God. I had been standing for Him no matter where I am, tried my best to follow His ways than to follow the worlds standard. But I did not communicate with Him, reluctant to have a pray time and thus did not know Him. I did live my life for God, not in a personal way. But like a citizen to a King.

I realize that God is not just like a King. A King has an authority which seperates the citizen from communicating with one another. But nothing seperates us from God where God is always near and I can refer to Him anytime.

It is funny when I serve God faithfully, standing firm to Him in the streets while he is just beside me seeing what I am doing.

There is a song that caught my attention this morning. The title of the song is called "When it's all been said and Done" by Integrity Music. Two sentences which caught my attention which is "Do I do my best to live for Truth, Do i live my life for You"

.

Spiritual Journal (19th April 2008)- Pray Time

2008-04-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

This morning, I decided to spend time praying to God. I realized that it is part of dicipline, and it is part of my decision to spend time and to pray to God. I also learned from Martin(from bible study group), that I need to keep my communication channel open to God, no matter when I am happy, sad, good, bad, know him, or do not know him, I need to continue to communicate with God because no matter what, God is very near. And it reminded me about building a relationship with God, that it doesn't happen overnight, and I haven't being doing it.

Last night Dominic and Martin explained to me about God. They gave an example in a form of a father and a child. In the beginning, the Dad did something bad to the child and makes the child hating the Dad. So, in return, the child always did something bad which affects the Dad, like doing something bad in purpose, not listening to the father and other things. But when the child decided to apologies and admit his mistakes, the father also thinks that he was harsh too, and they reconcile to one another. In my case with God, it is slightly different but it is nearly the same. I think at times that God does not exist, I did not believe in Him and he was not real. I did things against Him over and over again. I chose temptation than God, I chose what is nice than God and did not believe that He is real.

I read Chapter 4 of Facing Your Giant which David Chan asked me to read it. It was about David and I was exactly in His situation. David was running away from Saul and he ran to a place called the city of Nob. There was 85 priests served in Nob and it made the city called "the city of the priest". David rushed there, looking for a hideout from running away from Saul who was looking for David to kill him. So David reached to a city called the city of Nob and the priest named Ahimelech saw David coming.( So i would put Ahimelech as A. and David as D.).

A. saw D coming, he was in fear and was wondering why a great warrior like D coming to a place like this, so he asked D. D lied to A that the king had ordered him on a business and asked A not to tell anyone and also to give him 5 loaves of bread because D and his soldiers was hungry. It was amazing that David lied. If you know David's story, he once was a brave boy and he did all things that stands in the name of God, he killed a giant with only a sling but now he is a man who is fearful, confuse and running away from Saul, who is his "Giant" that tries to kill him. He used to be very faithful to God but coming up next, he not only going to go against God, but also to cheat God.

The priest had a bread, not a common bread, but Holy bread, the bread of God. Each Sabbath the priest placed 12 loaves of wheat bread on the table as an offering to God, and after a week, only the priest could eat the bread. David was no priest, he was not allowed to eat the bread, but he was very hungry. So the priest accidentally spill it out, after pitying David, telling David that in order for David to eat the bread, he and his man must be holy, they must at least keep themselves from women. So guess what David did? He gave a lie number two telling the priest that he and his men had never lay an eye on a women. David did not only lied to the priest, but he puts an arm around the priest, walks the priest to the altar, and reasoned the priest saying that even though it was holy bread, but it is still bread which is baked and wheat based, persuading bread is still bread right? What was David doing? He did not only just lied but he was also playing loose with Scripture. So A was persuaded and gave David the holy bread. You must be wondering what A was thinking? A decided the higher call was the hungry stomach, meeting the needs for God's child than following God's code. So what did you think David reward with A's compassion? He went further more, he asked A for a weapon. Not too long ago, with God saturated mind, a sling was all he needed. Now he needs a blade. What happened to our hero? Simple. He's lost his God-focus. Goliath is on the big screen of D's imagination. As a result, desperation has set in. Lie- spawing, fear stirring, truth- shading desperation. No place to hide. No food to eat. So, where can the desperate go?

They can go to God's sanctuary, God's church. They can look for an A, a church leader which a heart for desperate souls. A gave David bread, David wants a weapon. The only weapon that you can find in church is a weapon to slice down your Giant. The giant of tons of works, loneliness, failure in relationships, being abuse, rejection, temptation and so on. So David went in the sanctuary hungry, with feared, but he went out with a bellyful of bread, and the sword of a giant. If you do not believe that the church provides the sword of your giant, think about it, is God mightier than you giant?

So normally, I would simply pray. I would just take up a bible, just look through and when I pray, I would simply ask for all kinds of things but not actually sitting down and talking to God. Sometimes, i did not take God seriously, I did not think He is real and as a result, i don't even think of going to Him. As you read earlier, I mentioned about building a relationship with God. It is the same as building a relationship with a stranger. It is strange when I do not know God, and I simply asked for all kinds of stuff(as if I know Him), open His words( the bible) and just simply look through it. This time, I took control of myself. I made sure that I am aware that He is here. And I think before I speak to Him, speaking to Him as a friend. This is one of the way i thought of knowing Him more, because God is not from a book, but God is here, in this very presence of where we are right now. I also thought to write a spiritual journal about God, so that I can recognise Him in my life, and journey with Him. And this require dicipline and decision. A dicipline and decision because when we face problems, our emotions stirs up and we will think of all kinds of things, things which is not real that it is like lies whispering in our ears, convincing us. A simple example is, you tried to call a friend when you need a friend. The friend is busy and could not pick up the phone. You did not know that and you think that your friend trying to get away from you, thinking that you are a burden for him. But as you can see now here, it is not true, your friend is busy.

Anyway, I learned also learned that going to confession is not enough to renew me. Because people are made from body, mind, and spirit. When we confess, our spirit will be free from sin but the problem is, it will still dwell in the old mind and body. So one verse that I would recommend is Rom. 12:2b which is "be transformed by the renewing of our minds" and also "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ"(2 Cor. 10:5b). This is to take control of our minds. First to be obedient to God and second, to be obedient to yourself. It is like don't let your mind control you but for you control your mind. Be aware of yourself and aware of what is happening, and what you think. This is good to avoid from doing anything silly. Cheers.